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Psalm 46:10 has always been one of my favorite Bible verses. It reads, "Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth."
To be clear, I am not talking about any other person. This is about me. I am the control freak and perfectionist and always have been. I'm very much a planner and detail-oriented person, I'm always making lists, and I'm very organized. I become incredibly anxious and irritated in situations where I feel I lack control. The perfectionist in me comes out when completing tasks or when I have an expectation of myself. If I fall short of that expectation or am unable to complete a task in the time frame I've set, I get very frustrated, distressed, and feel as though I have failed. Even when I know I've done my best, I almost always find something to nit-pick about.
When it comes to dealing with the struggles of life, my first reaction can sometimes be, "How can I fix this?, What's my next move going to be?, I gotta get out of this as quickly as possible!" Me, me me, I, I, I, panic, panic, panic, anxious thoughts, depressing thoughts, feelings of helplessness and defeat, I'm a bad mom, bad wife, bad person, more dramatics, and so on. In doing this, I've immediately allowed the situation in which I want to have full control over, now take control of me by dictating how I think, feel, and act. And the very thought of not being able to control it (as my perfectionist, controlling self) causes me to even more want to find a way to control it! How crazy is that? No judgement ya'll...the Lord is still working on me.
The first part of Psalm 46:10 never really resonated with me until I became an adult. And for me, when I say adult, I mean when I got to the stage of life where I was working and paying my own bills. We often forget or don't even realize how much we really need God and need Him to be in control of our lives until we get into difficult situations or stages in life where we've exhausted all options and know we can't make it on our own.
I always thought the word "still" in that verse meant to just be quiet or not do anything and acknowledge who God is. As I studied it further, I found that the word "still" in this verse comes from the Hebrew word raphah meaning to let go, cast down, surrender, or abandon. When I take this and apply it my own life, I hear God telling me daily to surrender and just let go. Like most people, I have dreams, goals, and plans for my life that come with nicely planned out timelines and details. Which is great! There's nothing wrong with seeing where you want to be and going after that. However, I believe for myself, that God continues to teach me that I should never get so caught up in my own agenda that I forget to surrender to His will. And that when the storms and trials of life come... which we all know they will, we learn to be still. Not just calm, but a calm that involves the spiritual maturity and discipline to abandon our own thoughts and feelings about a situation, to choose to focus on who God is and all that is capable of.
For control freaks and perfectionists, this is difficult. You mean you want me to chill out in the midst of life's storms without being anxious and worried about what the heck is going on and how I can get myself out of this? Yes! But why? Because when we choose to highlight our problems, struggles, or whatever seems to be going wrong in life, we diminish God by allowing the storm to be in the forefront of our lives. And when we attempt to control the situation by putting our hands in it and doing what we think is best, we are allowing ourselves to be our god instead of letting God fight our battles for us. But it order for Him to be all that He can be in our lives, we have to let go. It doesn't mean that what you want will never happen, it just may not happen as quickly or in the manner you would have chosen. God has a way of sometimes taking us on the long route to where we want to be. This route may include different challenges on the way that are used to prepare us for what's to come. While we are concerned with getting on the highway and booking it 70 miles an hour to get there fast, God may be saying, "be still, take my hand, and let's take this longer scenic route together. Know that I am God and that nothing you encounter is too much for me to handle."
This makes me think of when Jesus allowed Peter to walk on water with him. After Jesus and His disciples fed the multitude of 5,000 with five loaves of bread and two fish, Jesus sent them into a ship to go ahead of Him while He went up to a mountain to pray. I find it amusing that while the disciples are in the midst of a storm at sea, Jesus is completely calm, minding His Father's business, praying on a mountain. When Jesus came to the disciples walking on the water, the disciples thought He was a spirit. When Jesus spoke to them saying to not be afraid, Peter responded with a challenge. Peter said to Jesus that if it is Him out on the water, to allow him to come out on the water. Jesus allowed Peter to come out onto the water and walk to Him, but when Peter took his eyes off Jesus and became distracted by the storm, he began to sink.
Wow! I know I've been guilty of allowing the storms in life to sometimes take precedence over God. And because I took my focus off of who God is and how He is my help, refuge, provider, protector, and so much more, I begin to sink into the troubles of life and think that I have the power to control and change the situation to work in my favor.
When it comes to my life, I can't afford to maintain being a control freak and perfectionist. Those roles put me in a cycle of continually being disappointed and anxious, feeling like my efforts are not enough and that I must keep a tight rein on everything in my life so that it doesn't spiral out of control. But I don't have the power or sanity to handle all of what life brings. But I have a Father who can . . . so BE STILL and know who your Father is.
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