5 Reasons I Said "YES!"

Four years already?! And Lord has it been interesting! Over this period of time, we've had some amazing times that confirmed why we got married, while also experiencing difficult seasons that left us questioning why we got married. As I spoke about in my previous post titled, "Unveiled," we rushed into marriage and we made a lot of mistakes. We should have waited longer to give us time to figure ourselves out and heal from past hurts before fully committing our lives to each other. Though the timing was not right, I knew the person was. So why did I say "yes" when he proposed? Here's the top 5 reasons.

1. He knew and loved the Lord

Deyonta was in no way perfect or the model Christian. Who really is? But I saw his heart. At the time we met he wasn't going to church and had really fallen off on his commitment to the Lord. And who was I to judge? I was in college doing my own thing and going to church and reading my Bible when I felt like it...which wasn't often. So we were basically in the same space spiritually. I'm all about meeting people where they are. I knew he was a believer and loved the Lord and that's what mattered most at the time. That foundation alone was good enough to start with. I knew that in its own time, the action and commitment would follow. We eventually started going to church together and getting back on track. One thing I love about being around believers and lovers of Christ, is that they naturally pull the best out of you and want the best for you. When your relationship with the Lord is on track, good relationships with others easily fall into place.

2. He loved me for me

At that time I was not confident in my appearance. I was annoyed with being the tall, skinny girl that did not have the womanly shape that it seemed guys wanted. In addition to my slim figure, I was insecure about my scoliosis. My back was visibly crooked and affected my posture and the way I walked. But with him, I felt comfortable and beautiful. He loved everything about me and affirmed that God made be beautiful and perfect just the way I was.

3. Our values and what we wanted in life lined up

I always wanted children and that wasn't something I was willing to compromise on in a relationship. Deyonta and I talked about kids on our first date. That may be a no no for some, but I've always been a "get past the superficial crap" type of person. If talking seriously about what you want out of life is too deep for a first date, then thank you...on to the next! I felt comfortable with him enough from the jump to open up about my personal dreams in terms of career and family life. He shared these dreams with me and we clicked right away.

4. He made me laugh

I always liked guys that could make me laugh, and from the beginning Deyonta was a clown. And he knew how to be funny without being immature. It didn't matter what I was going through, he found a way to bring the optimism and fun I needed. We easily balanced each other out. He needed the seriousness and structure that I brought to the table and I needed his down-to-earth, spontaneous, fly by the seat of your pants personality to get me out of my box. To this day, it still works for us. Sometimes he can be too jokey and sometimes I just take things too seriously, but each has its timing in which it operates best and I believe each part is so necessary and equally important in our relationship.

5. He paid attention

Attentiveness is sooo important to me in a relationship and that was a box that was initially checked with Deyonta. From the beginning, he listened to me when I spoke and nothing got past him. Every time we saw each other, I was welcomed with detailed compliments. It was never just "you look nice" or "you look pretty." He always pointed out something specific. He paid close attention to my style and bought me things that I would buy for myself. When I spoke, I felt like the most important person in the room. He wasn't easily distracted around me and I loved it. I never left him feeling like anything I said was unheard or unimportant. As time goes on in a relationship, nothing is as perfect as it was when it started. This is an area he continues to work toward daily and I greatly appreciate his efforts to continually honor me and never allow my presence or voice to become common to him.

One thing that really helped me in creating a relationship with Deyonta from the start was not expecting perfection. He had a lot going on when we met and it required patience and grace on my part. Walking away would have been easy, but I saw something different and I felt a sense of confirmation from the Lord that nothing I saw was extreme or a major red flag that I needed to stay far away from. He was just a work in progress. What mattered to me was not so much the flaws in the person that he was, but the person I saw in him. He was a great person but he wasn't living out his greatness, neither was I. I was a depressed, insecure mess when we met, but he gave me the same grace. Instead of pushing him away because of the areas of his life that needed work, I choose to speak to that person I saw inside of him and pull out the person God was calling him to be. And he too offered that same push and encouragement I needed to get out of my slump.

So there it is! The 5 reasons I said "yes." If you are already married or engaged, I'd love to hear some of the reasons you said "yes." Even if you aren't yet married or engaged, I'd still love to hear what you think you need to see in a relationship before saying "yes" one day!